Despite what people are going to be claiming tomorrow, being a mother does not make you special. Barring health problems, becoming a mother is actually fairly simple and easy to accomplish.
If you actually loved your mother, you would not wait until a holiday to show appreciation and tell her you thank her. It is like someone wishing someone 'Happy Birthday!' because facebook says it is a birthday and not actually caring.
Of course mothers make sacrifices, but they brought it on themselves by having children. A mother should not expect thanks simply because she works hard to care for her children. That is the damn least she could do for bringing children into this world and does not deserve accolades for it.
Screw Mother's Day. We should focus more on Children's Day because of the shitty world they have to live in due to incompetent parents.
Is is a mother who runs away from her children or a mother who stays and is subjecting the children to daily crying and the occasional, "I hate you! Just get out of my room and leave me alone for just five minutes please!" I used to be so good at playing the mother who plays with, reads to, teaches, and overall enjoys her children. After four-and-a-half years, I feel like that facade is cracking.
If a father leaves, he is merely considered a deadbeat. If a mother leaves, it becomes a constant, "How could a mother possibly leave her children?" and instant vilification ensues.
I deserve that vilification. I should get used to it I suppose. I am a terrible person. One on hand, my children over the past six months have been having to deal with a depressed mother who can go through the motions of physically taking care of them but has to shut herself in a room while they are watching television just so they don't get screamed at. I am slowly turning into my mother. It was the most important reason I never wanted children and why I adamantly do not spank. This terrifies me.
On the other hand, some of the studio apartments in a larger town I used to live in an hour away are renting for $281 with a $275 deposit. It is close to downtown shopping and jobs. I cannot drive until August thanks to my seizures so I cannot go apply for an apartment or jobs so it is irrelevant. Well, that and I only have two work references. One is my mother-in-law who would be devastated if I left (for both business and family reasons) and the other lives (quite literally) in the middle of nowhere in Missouri where internet and cell phone access is sporadic at best.
I am not going anywhere. I guess it is just role playing and what-if. I would hate myself if I went so I might as well stay I think.
I am dead on the inside. My children deserve a better parent. My husband deserves a better wife because right now he is trying to do everything he can to make me happier. Maybe I can just accept that I have nothing inside me and treat motherhood like a character I have to act in a play. I can be a puppet. It cannot be that hard.
I am a terrible mother. That fact was established long ago. Yet I came across this gem on facebook that seems outright cruel:
I thought seeing the signs from kids saying, "If we get so many likes we can have a pet!" were bad enough. Attaching one to a organ transplant though seems a new low...or simply attention whoring on the part of the family. There are better ways to raise awareness than this...
If the kid does not have a kidney on the way, what is going to happen if he hits a million likes and no kidney is waiting for them? For that matter, what if he doesn't hit a million likes and thinks that he is not going to get a kidney transplant because he is not popular enough? If a kidney is on the way and the kid knows about it, why go through the trouble of this? He might secretly worry that if he doesn't get enough he might lose the kidney. Why associate organ donation awareness with a conditional kidney transplant?
Wouldn't a better sign be something along the lines of, "If more people donated, I would have a kidney," or "Because someone donated, I am getting a kidney" followed by atypical lines saying share and like to raise awareness.
This just seems odds and cruel, but maybe I am just being oversensitive.
Why can people blame a victim's stupid actions for some crimes like theft or fraud, but it is not okay to do that for rape?
I think culture of super-sensitivity and never blaming the victim, society as a whole generally avoids the conversation of how to prevent rape in the first place. Everyone focuses on a gadget you need or some sort of physical self-defense while completely ignoring that the best way to prevent a problem comes before physical fighting actually takes place. I feel like not being politically correct and just saying it: If you are stupid, you can get raped. No, it is not your fault and not every assault can be prevented, but not acting like a fucktard can reduce the odds at least.
Alcohol is a common factor in college rapes. Okay, let us go from there. Drinking to the point of unconsciousness is a bad idea. If a friend were to have a wallet stolen while shitfaced, everyone I know would probably make fun of said person and ask them why the hell they drank so much. If said friend were to get raped, we would tell that person that of course there was nothing she could do. Well, said person could have avoided getting plastered for one.
I was raped because I was at a place alone my mother told me to never be alone at. Multiple times. That is stupid. It wasn't my fault, but it doesn't change the fact that I was breaking many common-sense rules that day. It is a bit why I am a huge fan of non-combat self-defense as a prevention. A gun, a taser, or that pussy-footed shit black-belt mills are teaching would not have helped me. Running when I felt a first sign of trouble instead of ignoring my instincts, being more aware of my surroundings, and not going into isolated areas where crimes have been known to happen.
The majority of crime prevention takes place before you are in danger of a crime. Why is it that when organizations release information on how to avoid being at risk for rape do the majority of people cry foul and claim victim blaming? The tips are not terrible; it is much better than having to physically stop someone from hurting you because you are most likely going to be hurt anyways. Violence is horrible and nasty. It hurts more than people think. Just someone throwing you against against something hard enough to knock your breath out or simply gripping your arms is more incapacitating and painful than what you would think.
Physically defending yourself is many times harder (and traumatizing even if you make it out okay) than taking steps to prevent from having to do it in the first place. So why are people knocking down those that try to give prevention tips?
That is what I kept telling my husband at least. If something happens to me, I will either die or get better. If I get better, I do not need a hospital and if I do not...well an entire funeral is cheaper than your average stay in the hospital. He was told because of this that if something happens to never call 911. The day after I made my drunken emo post I was having either having seizures, conscious but not recognizing my husband or children in the ER, or unconscious from morning until late evening. Despite being out of it, the one thing my husband said I always did clearly was tell every doctor or nurse that came in to go away because I don't have health insurance.
I don't have epilepsy or a brain tumor. I didn't have a stroke. Still, I was kept in neural ICU in a hospital two hours from home for three days and now I am regretting not insisting on leaving the next morning. Who cares if something is wrong with me? I would not be able to fix it anyways. I became self-employed because it was the best way to make a living wage for the family and while the income is steadily increasing, it will be years before I can afford health insurance.
So, when all tests came back, it turns out parts of my brain are larger than what they should be (that has nothing to do with what happened...it just showed up on the MRI and its harmless so I thought it was fun to share) and I will probably have a breakthrough seizure due to genetics (thanks Mom!) every ten to twenty years unless I can avoid stress and get enough sleep.
Oh, and alcohol. Apparently I can never drink alcohol again because that's also a trigger. While I only drink several times a year, I will miss the warm fuzzy happy person alcohol turned me into every three months.
So everything is fine and now I am waiting for the bills that will no doubt be more than double what the house is worth. Screw America for being one of the only developed countries that doesn't have universal health care. We did not even have to do away with the private system. Several countries run successful health care systems using both public and private hospitals. Instead, America has to spend its money being the asshole of the world.
And that ladies and gentlement, is why I am constantly having to keep my mouth shut on facebook because of my veteran and active duty relatives who think health care can't be that expensive.